'People of America, I'm not American and haven't a clue about the world, but I am - I think you'll testify - the worst and most insincere speaker since John F Kennedy. Who famously iterated his famously famous quote - 'I am a donut'.'
'And now, as Americans realise I am just a token, hot-housed in foreign countries to win my fixed Presidential election, when the Republicans deliberately let me win against a senile old man, I now say to you - I am ridiculous!', to great cheers from the Cheers bar in Boston.
'And let me add', he added, 'that I shall continue to sound like a 17th century preacher warning you about your sins, when all I am is just a manufactured foreign turkey that will be unemployed in 4 years' time.' But some disagreed with the view that Obama is already an embarrassing failure.
'Look', former President George W Bush said, 'if an idiot with big teeth and a suit can stand down, or up, and say 'I is American', then why the hell shouldn't that idiot become President of the mightiless country in the world? I did.'
And another former President with big teeth, Jimmy Carter, added: 'The trick is to get elected, and then make a fool of yourself. And then get thrown out, it's the Democrat way.'
'Oh, and never mention millions of dollars being sent to Israeli war criminals, or to European cynics who laugh at you for funding their 'democracies'. Democracy is a cartoon joke for Americans to believe in, makes them feel important while Europeans and Israelis steal their money.'
But the mighty President of the USA continued with his speech. 'I want you all to imagine I'm just a child', he said, 'talking like a child, acting like a child, in fact being the perfect role model for the wonderfully naive citizens of the mightiest country in the world. British aren't naive? OK, well American refugees who can't win wars, then.'
And biting into a slice of Ma Walton's apple pie, he continued: 'When 250 million people actually believe it matters who is President of the USA, or who he is, or that it matters a jot what the USA does any more, it's time for a foreign charlatan like me to lead you all. I thank you.'
American satire was 4 months old today. Greek satire was 4,000 years old. After Hollywood makes movies about Americans inventing satire and winning wars, 250 million experts in satire and wars will appear.
And elect another turkey as President.