The world of fashion is an ever changing, ever mutating mêlée which to the casual onlooker resembles nothing less then a squashed peach being licked clean by goblins.
So how can the ordinary man and woman on the street choose the best clothing options this summer and avoid ridicule and abuse by designer snobs?
The first thing to look at is a mirror- what body type are you? For those tall and slender people, lighter colours and slim fitting clothing are best suited. Whilst for those fat, stumpy, short, grotesque types, just wear anything- no one will take much notice to be honest.
Hair colour also dictates which clothing styles are best- dark haired beauties should go for rich, heavy laden clothing which sits loosely on the body. Blonde darlings should head for the skimpy fitting, casual isle. Gingers should stay in during the summer because they burn easily and offend the human race.
During summer you may wish to make use of the good weather and purchase a swimming costume. There is nothing worse at the pool side during summer then someone with a body resembling a turnip on legs jiggling about in a tight fitting Speedo so for heaven's sake remember to put on a t-shirt and jeans over your swim wear or better still stay in the café and eat another cream cake and stop giving fashion a bad name you lazy blubber-titted pie fiends!
Summer gives ladies the chance to wear a skirt without freezing their tiny, porcelain like elfin lady legs. The style favoured most this year is for tight, short, transparent skirts teamed with no panties and plenty of wiggle. This isn't just me saying this ladies, its fashion! And take off your bras; this isn't the 1990's you know!
For the gentlemen I recommend a shirt and tie at all times, we can't let the side down. Just sweat it out and keep a stiff upper lip. If you suffer easily from sun-stroke buy a kilt.
So head for your local clothing retailer, get fashionable and get out in the sunshine in style! You get what you pay for, so remember to pay for cloths if that's what you intend to buy.