Do wash your hands many times a day, as all people over the age of 3 do
Don't read the Daily Express
Don't watch ITN News
Don't jump into any canals full of rabid, starving, great white sharks
Don't wait to be struck by lightning
Don't send your taxes to the Labour government
Don't read Labour government leaflets
Don't walk into the middle of the M1 fast lane, with a sign saying 'Please kill me'
Don't become an American soldier
Do carry on as if a vague relation of the common cold is completely and utterly trivial
BBC, ITN and Sky executives will be made redundant soon, for filling up the news with the most feeble non-story since an earthquake didn't happen in Alloa. Which did. Hazel Blears was unavailable for comment, as she was too busy claiming expenses for being terribly scared of catching swine 'flu.