A Boogertown driver who fashioned his own 'bead mat' car seat cover from golf balls has been taken to the Booger Green Hospital in near-by Booger Green to have three of the balls surgically removed from his rectum.
Mr. Jonathon "Fat Boy" Wilson claims he will sue the city, once he's out of the hospital and recovered from the operation, over a twelve-inch deep pothole on East Van Morrison Street.
"Those idiot city workers who hide all day or spend six hour planting a tulip in front of the courthouse, aren't worth knocking them in the head."
"My back was doing great with this homemade-by yourn truly-bead mat massaged my back while I drive, until I hit that big pothole. Or they call it a pothole. I call THEM a pothole! That thing is on it's way to China. There will soon be spelunkers coming here to go down and study the thing."
"While they're down there I hope they find my tailbone!"
"I'm suing this town and the mayor and city council and anybody that even looks like any of them! I had my seat fixed just right. I had been rubbing horse linimint on my back and I was feeling pretty fine, except everything I ate TASTED like horse liniment. But my back was fine!"
"Now I gotta go see that car practor who will half kill me getting everything into place."
"Right now my uh..stones are hanging to my knees and I talk like Tiny Tim."
"That's another $250,000 for pain, suffering and suffering jokes!"
No one at city hall will answer our calls.