Written by Abel Rodriguez

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Wednesday, 14 July 2004

image for Bill Clinton's Sax Bill's Sax

Former President Bill Clinton has donated his favorite saxophone to the Pumpsie & Velveeta Frickenmeister Heartland Presidential Museum located in Waterloo, Iowa. The prized saxophone which he reportedly bought at a pawn shop in downtown Sausalito, California for $17 will be housed along with other presidential items and memorabilia such as:
1. The boyhood bathtub that once belonged to Jimmy Carter, which is made entirely out of 19,371 old, discarded peanut shells.
2. An autographed copy of the best selling romance novel by George H. Bush entitled, "Read My Lips."
3. A 400 lb. bronzed tumbleweed that Ronald Reagan reportedly bought in Ensenada, Mexico when he was filming the Humberto Humbertson western classic Sidesaddle Sue Falls Head-Over-Heels in Love with Paco the Pissed-Off Pistolero.
4. The one-size-fits-all athletic supporter that Gerald Ford wore during his entire college football career at the University of Michigan.
5. The Cleveland, Ohio city limits sign that Grover Cleveland reportedly stole during a childhood visit to Cleveland during The 13th Annual Sardine Festival & Papaya-Bob back in September of 1847.
6. A letter from the U.S. Treasury Department informing Abraham Lincoln that they would be putting his likeness on a penny and on a five-dollar bill. The letter stated that they would be paying him a one-time fee of $5.01. NOTE: The museum curator Lorenzo Y. Velcro has stated that the Lincoln Log is missing from it's display case. He said that he would like it returned by 7 pm tomorrow.
7. A vacuum cleaner that once belonged to Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Hoover.
8. The Civil War cannoball that struck Ulysses Grant on his left ankle during the battle of Shiloh. Incidently that injury pretty much put an end to his love for running the high hurdles.
9. A Peruvian-made harmonica that Lyndon Johnson loved to play during family outings and cattle brandings down on his Texas ranch El Rancho Mucho Mucho Grande Ranch #2.
10. A never before seen photograph of George W. Bush, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden, and Whoopi Goldberg having breakfast at a Lafayette, Louisiana McDonald's.

The museum is open 23 hours a day, 179 days a year. Admission is free except to Republicans who must pay $7. No smoking, no drinking, and no pointing at the athletic supporter and making lewd remarks.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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