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Friday, 24 April 2009

DETROIT, MI - As the US sinks further into a recession and job loss at all time high, especially in Michigan where unemployment is at 12%, Detroiters are desperate to find ways to make ends meet.

And, for 56 year old Martha Klatch and her husband George who had worked in the sales industry for the past twenty years, have once again found themselves hitting the pavement like they did when they were recent college graduates in a bleak job market.

"It's tough to compete today, especially with people half your age." Martha wearily says as she sips a cup of hot green tea looking out of her window as the historic Woodward Avenue sprawls the landscape. "In sales, my husband and I made a very comfortable living. I made $60,000 a year and my husband a little over $75,000. But, since we have both lost our jobs, we have had to put our home up for sale because we are falling behind on our mortgage and..."

[Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey!]

...I'm sorry Martha there is a Howard Stern fan that somehow found his way into this article. Can you say that one more time for our reading audience?

"Oh, certainly...I was just saying that my husband and I have since sold our home and we are now living in a tent community..."

[Horse Tooth Jackass!! Howard Stern rules!!!! Fuck Imus! Fuck Rush Limbaugh! Fuck Bill O'Reilly! Fuck Sean Hannity! F- Jackie! Artie Lange rules!!!! Thank youaaaaa!]

...Yes, thank you sir. Thank you.

I'm terribly sorry Martha, but we are going to have to end this article. Somebody from Howard Stern is getting a little too carried away. Some people can be really insensitive even in the most sensitive of times. I do apologize. I understand your sad, desperate story and my heart goes...

[Martha will you spread for Howard Stern? Do you have a hairy bush? Will you ride the Sybian? What about the Symbian? Rub that pussy, come on. Can I taste yo juice? Oh my!]

"...They're sinners. They'll face their salvation. " Martha says now clutching her crucifix.

Yes they are and they will when they meet God. This country is falling behind not only in the economy, but in morality with all the Gays and the Jews...

[Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey! I'm comin' at ya at double-ya N...B........C! Sal and Richard rule!!! Chicken Parm!!! Ureter!!!! Tradioooooooooooooooooooo! Huuuuuuuuuuuuuge!]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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