Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 20 April 2009

image for Ten Little Known Facts About Susan Boyle Some of the books which were used in the gathering of information for this article.

LONDON - Susan Boyle, a 47-year-old Scottish woman who now resides in West Lothian, England has shown the world that a female singer does not need to look like Carrie Underwood, Beyonce, or Britney Spears in order to be successful.

In just this past week Susan has gone from never having been kissed to receiving her first kiss from none other than Brad Pitt.

Susan will be going on tour with the Rolling Stones and unbelievable as it may seem, the Rolling Stones are going to be Miss Boyle's opening act.

Then in May, Susan will be going into the recording studio and making an album with the world famous Eagles.

Boyle's manager, Simon Cowell, has said that he has already signed the Eagles to be Susan's backup band and that she will be starting a 77-city summer tour in June.

Miss Boyle will be headlining The Singing Susan Tour, which will also feature Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, and Shakira.

HERE IS A LIST OF TEN LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT SUSAN BOYLE -

  1. Back in her high school days, Susan won The Girl's All-United Kingdom Wrestling Title.
  2. Miss Boyle is a fantastic cook who can take a piece of ordinary spam and give it her special 'Susan Boyle Culinary Touch' and that piece of spam will end up tasting like an expensive T-Bone Steak.
  3. Susan is multi-lingual and can speak seven different languages including, English, French, Spanish, Zimbabweian, Icelandic, Comanche, and Peruvian.
  4. Ten years ago Susan weighed 600 pounds. She then went on The X-8 English Tea Diet and she lost 450 pounds in 30 days.
  5. Boyle is distantly related to President Barack Obama.
  6. Susan has memorized every single word of dialogue of the Clark Gable movie Gone With The Wind.
  7. On her 40th birthday, she rode an adult ostrich from London, England, to Aberdeen, Scotland, a distance of 400 miles, to win a 10,000 pound bet (14,770.69 U.S.).
  8. Susan's favorite number is 983013.
  9. She has a tiny tattoo of a butter knife on her bikini line.
  10. Susan Boyle sews all of her own bras and panties.


The author would like to express his sincere appreciation to the following individuals and organizations for graciously providing the information contained in this magazine article, which appeared in Modern Xylophone Monthly Magazine: The Mick Jagger Library of Facts, Figures, and Findings; The Dublin Data & Documents Directory Alliance; Trudi's Book of Trivia; Boo-Boo's Book of Trivia, Sir Paul McCartney; Mark Lowton; Amanda Holden; The Louisiana League of Info; The English Channel Coalition of Collaborated Collaboraters; and Simon Cowell.

(The Honduran Halibut Hatcheries Association has determined that no fish were harmed in the compilation of this material)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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