As a part of Bernie 'I'm Special' Madoff's wifes use of their condo, these adjustments to her normal life were requested by those who had been ripped off by the wheeler-dealer. They were presented to her by Bernies judge, along with a death threat from those he screwed if she didn't comply.
A - She can only shower with water on coldest setting. Must use Pine-Sol for shampooing.
B - Can only use toilet by standing on rim FOR ALL EXCRETIONS!!! Sandpaper is available for TP.
C - Mail deliveries only by carrier pigeon.
D - Only booze in house is Mad Dog 50/50 and that is watered down with vinegar.
E - Can only use top burners of stove for heating the residence.
F - Hammock strung above tub is only bed available.
G - Windows must be left half open in winter.
H - Mice get first serving of all meals.
I - Lovers can visit, but she must wear a full wet suit during servicing.
J - The only television channel allowed is the North Korean State Channel.
K - Pizza deliveries must have machine weight oil and pigeon droppings for ingredients.
L - Only DVD's allowed are 'The Complete Works of the Three Stooges', the Russian non-dubbed version of 'War and Peace' and 'Stories For The Deaf' in sign language.
M - Desserts consist of only curried ice cream.
N - Happy Meals from McDonalds's are only meals that can be delivered. No shakes or sodas. No biggie sizing.
O - Visits from friends can only take place when they shout down to her from a window two stories above the place.
P - Mormon missionaries will check on her every two hours to see if she wants to be saved.
Q - Nosy reporters will legally be able to overnight with her to get a story, but must stay in the same bed.
R - Only ambient music allowed is a constantly repeating Roseanne Barr's singing of 'Star Spangled Banner'.
S - Her ankle bracelet must have a 'stun' mode if she tries to raid the refrigerator at night.