Written by rfreed
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Thursday, 16 April 2009

image for Bernie Madoff's Wife Has Her Own Form Of Punishment. Tired Of Being In The Condo, Mrs. Madoff Exits To Go Find A Public Toilet.

As a part of Bernie 'I'm Special' Madoff's wifes use of their condo, these adjustments to her normal life were requested by those who had been ripped off by the wheeler-dealer. They were presented to her by Bernies judge, along with a death threat from those he screwed if she didn't comply.

A - She can only shower with water on coldest setting. Must use Pine-Sol for shampooing.

B - Can only use toilet by standing on rim FOR ALL EXCRETIONS!!! Sandpaper is available for TP.

C - Mail deliveries only by carrier pigeon.

D - Only booze in house is Mad Dog 50/50 and that is watered down with vinegar.

E - Can only use top burners of stove for heating the residence.

F - Hammock strung above tub is only bed available.

G - Windows must be left half open in winter.

H - Mice get first serving of all meals.

I - Lovers can visit, but she must wear a full wet suit during servicing.

J - The only television channel allowed is the North Korean State Channel.

K - Pizza deliveries must have machine weight oil and pigeon droppings for ingredients.

L - Only DVD's allowed are 'The Complete Works of the Three Stooges', the Russian non-dubbed version of 'War and Peace' and 'Stories For The Deaf' in sign language.

M - Desserts consist of only curried ice cream.

N - Happy Meals from McDonalds's are only meals that can be delivered. No shakes or sodas. No biggie sizing.

O - Visits from friends can only take place when they shout down to her from a window two stories above the place.

P - Mormon missionaries will check on her every two hours to see if she wants to be saved.

Q - Nosy reporters will legally be able to overnight with her to get a story, but must stay in the same bed.

R - Only ambient music allowed is a constantly repeating Roseanne Barr's singing of 'Star Spangled Banner'.

S - Her ankle bracelet must have a 'stun' mode if she tries to raid the refrigerator at night.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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