Written by Bluebella
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Tags: Banks

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

image for Bankers need a hug Sir Fred:

"Bankers need a hug" claim the civil libertarian group Civo Livo. "It's not fair the way people have been treating them, like they are criminals - and even if they were criminals they would still need a hug."

Civo Livo also claims bankers human rights are being abused by the media and anti-globilisation groups. "What's this piggy banker business? Are people say bankers are pink, have snouts and roll around in mud?"

"I have spoken to a number of bankers about this piggy banker label and they have told me, in no uncertain words, that their feelings are extremely hurt. In fact, their feelings are so hurt, they are thinking about suing the next person who calls them a piggy banker for millions of pounds. And yes, that is on top of their pensions, wages and bonuses."

Sonny Solar, Editor in Chief of The Sun, who is one of the chief culprits, has spoken out about the matter. "I never called anyone a pig - that is a blatant misconception, my words were taken completely out of context. I was talking about George Clooney's pet pig and mentioned that Mr Clooney had bought the pig with money from the interest he had earned at the bank. I don't know how that turned into "bankers are pigs", I would never say something like that."

But Sir Fred Goodwin, ex CEO of Royal Bank of Scotland, says that Solar is clearly lying. "They called me a pig - they did! They did! This is in breach of the European Human Rights Act and I will not take it lying down in the mud."

Goodwin is considering hiring the ex-Prime Minister's wife Cherie Blair to act as his lawyer in the case. Blair is considering taking the case on the proviso that no hugs are involved. "I wear Chanel and Versace - I do not want mud on my expensive clothes."

Further information about the case will be released as it is obtained.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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