Here is a synopsis of yesterday's television talk shows.
Live With Regis And Kelly - Cloris Leachman, who is 82-years-old, showed Regis and Kelly some of her cellulite which is located in places where you would never imagine cellulite to be located.
For those who did not see the show, it was not a pretty sight at all. In fact, NBC affiliates in Boston, Cleveland, Waco, and Tijuana, Mexico refused to carry the show.
Rachael Ray - Rachael demonstrated how to make ketchup using a cup of popcorn, a slice of bread, and one mushroom. She also talked to Andy Dick about his alleged motorcycle molestation charges.
The View - American Idol castoff Tatiana Del Toro appeared and sang a medley of Creedence Clearwater Revival songs. She was later asked by Barbara Walters to demonstrate her annoying-as-hell laugh and Del Toro did and then she could not stop laughing. Finally after about 20 minutes Joy Behar walked up to her and punched her in the stomach and Del Toro stopped laughing.
The Tyra Banks Show - Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and Nicole Richie appeared and got into a big argument over who of the three is the better known for doing absolutely nothing. Later football great Warren Sapp demonstrated the long lost art of brassiere embroidering.
The Bonnie Hunt Show - Bonnie revealed her brand new designer line of Bonnie Hunt's Chicago Cubs Underwear featuring The Ernie Banks Bra, The Wrigley Field Bikini Thong Panties, The Curse of The Billy Goat Thigh High Stockings, and The Lou Pinella Pantyhose
Dr. Phil - Rihanna was asked by Dr. Phil why she would allow her boyfriend, Chris Brown, who supposedly loves her more than he loves wine, buffalo wings, and basketball, to physically abuse her. Rihanna replied that Chris did not abuse her. She disclosed, for the 800th time, that she tripped on her six-inch imported Italian stiletto high heel shoes.
Maury - Povich conducted a DNA test which proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that OctuMom, Nadya Suleman is in fact the biological mother of the octuplets. In another DNA test, results proved conclusively that Bush twins, Barbara and Jenna are both female, as had commonly been believed.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show - Ellen interviewed her old girlfriend Anne Heche. Anne and Ellen talked and reminisced about the old times when they were in love and used to do cute little things that lovers do like take Sharpie pens and write off-color words on each others intimate body parts. Anne also revealed for the first time ever the semi-vulgar names that they had for each others d*nut.
The Oprah Winfrey Show - Oprah interviewed ex-Cuban president Fidel Castro, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, and Ann Coulter's maid, Esmeralda Josefina Luna-Schwartz.
Toward the end of the show Chavez and Luna-Schwartz got into a heated discussion about the domestic duties of a woman and it quickly escalated into a full-blown fistfight.
Luna-Schwartz was treated at the talk show studio and released and Chavez is resting comfortably in room 891 at The St. Cilantro Sisters of Charity Hospital, where doctors say he will be released in about two days as soon as all of the swelling goes down.