Written by Andy Lam
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Thursday, 8 July 2004

image for New Threat to Mankind Identified The end of the road?

Today, I have what may be bad - and shocking - news.

I have learned that each of us has what is called a LIFESPAN. This is an arbitrary period on activity that begins at birth and apparently ENDS with something called DEATH. I have been trying to get more details or information on this topic but have understandably not been able to find much out there.

Clearly, this is a distressing development and I can understand why not much is written on the topic, but it is something people need to be aware of.

I have started putting together some questions on the topic that I hope to be able to answer. If anyone has any information, no matter how scant on anecdotal, please share!

1) Do all people experience doom?
2) What steps can we take to avoid this fate?
3) After you die, where do you go?
4) What kinds of food do you eat after you die?
5) Do you bring all of your things with you, or do you need to get new dead person things?
6) If you owe someone money and die, do you still have to pay them?
7) If you have booked a vacation and you die before the vacation, can you get a refund?
8) If you have dinner reservations and they took your credit card number and you die, do they charge your card?
9) Is this something that you have to schedule, and if so, with whom?
10) After you are dead, are you still able to talk to people who are alive?
11) If you are able to bring things with you, what kind of clothes do you need?
12) Are you only able to bring things you can carry, or can you have things shipped?
13) If people own you money, and you die, how do you collect?
14) In the land of the dead, is there broadband or just dial-up?
15) Can you come back if there is something you forgot?

This is frankly just a smattering of the thoughts that ran through my head when I learned of this phenomenon but I can tell you I have more that keep coming up. I just can't believe that no one mentioned this to me in the past.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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