1)"Madonna's Body Sublime Workout Book". You too can look fit, stringy and packed with muscle with the "singer's" 4-hour-a-day-workout plan.
2)"The John Cleese Book of String". A complete history of twine, string and rope from the ex-funny ex-Python.
3)"PUSH!..Huw Edwards' Book of Childbirth". Pain-free advice from the "News at Ten" anchor-man.
4)"Piers Morgan is a Cult". Second week in chart.
5)"Crap Towns volume 6". New collection of another 50 crap British towns and cities. Town planners; hang your heads in shame.
6)"Licking an Old Queen" by Cedric Small, on collecting stamps of Queen Victoria, by an authority.
7)"Bloody Blimey!". Racial stereotypes through the ages, with a forward by Matthew Amroliwala.
8)"Leave my shed alone!". Book-of-the-film for "hilarious" new British comedy.
9)"Running out of Ideas". An illustrated guide to writer's block, and how to unclog it.
10)"Pointless Celebrity Namedropping" by Piers Morgan. Unbelievable sucking-up to Hollywood A-listers by expert sychophant. Excerpt; "As I walked into the room, Arnie (Schwarzenegger) bounded over to greet me, but he bumped into Barak (Obama) who ended up sprawled at my feet. As I picked him up and dusted him down, Barak said 'My friend Piers, you are always in the right place at the right time!'. That made my friends Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman howl with laughter". Wanker.