Written by KendoMonkey

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Monday, 28 April 2003

I don't believe in giving animals these 'crazy' pet names, like Golfer, Goldie and Foo-foo. Animals should be called real names like Joanne, David, Steve or Angie.

My dog is called Steve, and my wife has a cat called Angie.

We love our pets - so much so that we like to call them by real names.

It seems to me that only pet owners with a wish to make pets feel subservient would call them anything but 'real' names.

I mean, come on, Thumper? Not only is that not a real name, but it's from a cartoon. Are you trying to make it seem like you care so little that you can't even think of a name for your rabbit that isn't from an illustrated story?

No, I'd call my rabbit: Dave.

"Good morning, Dave," I'd say, "I brought you some carrot. Now, it's not grate-d, but I know you'll be grate-ful."

And as for these berks who talk to their pets like "wuddy, tuddy like a piecey-wiecey of cakey-wakey..." - well...let's just get the shotgun out and say hello to temple burns.

You MORONS. Your pet should be your friend. It should be:

"Y'alright mate, watching the football, are you? No...licking your genetalia - nice one. You missed a spot..."

Wise up, all you animal lovers. Treat your pet proper!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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