Written by Roy Turse
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Wednesday, 11 March 2009

image for How They Work: Power Panels Power Panels are made up of individual Power Cells

Remember when solar panels were so ineffective you could only use them to heat up water from tepid to luke-warm? Or when, in order to heat the average home you needed a solar power panel the size of Wales?

Well all that's changed. The latest Power Panels are so efficient they can be used almost anywhere. Imagine having a torch that you can leave on all the time and it never goes out! Using a combination of high efficiency LED technology bulbs and the new Power Panels this is now possible.

Imagine an electric vehicle which doesn't need to be recharged all the time, but can be driven all day, and even all night! With the new Power Panels this is reality.

It all comes down to how the new Power Panels work. The problem with ordinary Solar Cells is that although they are quite efficient at converting light into electricity, there is not anywhere near enough light available, even in the brightest conditions.

The new Power Panel cells get around this. Instead of converting light to electricity, they convert ionizing radioactive emissions into electricity. So, by using an extremely strong radioactive source placed close to the panels, far more electricity can be produced. And the clever bit is that it doesn't stop, even when it gets dark!

In tests, a single Power Panel cell fitted with two hundred grams of weapons grade delta-phase plutonium-239 was able to provide enough electricity to power a laptop computer. Just imagine what a full sized Power Panel with sixteen or more kilograms of delta-phase plutonium-239 could do.

And as Plutonium-239 has a half life of over 24 thousand years, recharging will not be required.

So, huge amounts of free power seem to be just around the corner. However, it seems that practical use of the system may still be a little way away. A resent conference held by the people working on this project was not well attended, and we have not been able to reach any of the scientists involved.

Even our researcher who attended some the tests is off sick at the moment. But at least if anyone asks him about Power Panels, he knows How They Work.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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