Written by Calton

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Tuesday, 10 March 2009

image for Jets 2008 Season Re-cap Jets practice squad against 12-14 year old Mighty Mites

The New York Jets made big moves this off-season. After a 4-12 season they had to and they did so in the draft and free agency. They traded multiple draft picks to move up two spots to draft a tight end from Purdue who was going to be on the board regardless. Avid fan & NY local, Paulie Walnuts had this to say. "Forget about it! What the fuck are they trading up for when this douche bag would have been available in the 7th round?" Their draft day was just average according to many analysts.

Life time JETS FAN Anthony Russo is still re-cooping from last season. Here is what this fiery fireman from Long Island had to say. I finally got my season tickets after waiting 17 years on the list and they only win 4 fucking games. They were 10 & 6 the year before. I couldn't give the tickets away to my retarded next door neighbor if I tried. He even said in his fucked up robot voice, The Jets suck ASS! I wanted to punch that retard in the throat and give him a pair of scissors and tell him to make me arts & crafts with his little T-Rex hands.

But then one night it all changes with the addition of legendary QB Brett Favre. He pleaded not to go to the JETS and was overheard saying, "I would rather play in the XFL, then eat shit and die." The Jets ownership didn't care what he thought and brought him in anyway. SO the big questions remains who do you start? Brett Favre, Chad "down syndrome" Pennington or Kellen Clemens. Mangini has the pick of the litter here. "It is going to be tough, but right now CHAD is our guy. He got us to the play-offs in 2002 and he is riding high off that momentum -." - MANGINI. Clearly, Coach M. is sticking to his guns. He says he sees a lot of positives in Brett, but is scared the BIG APPLE is too big of a city for him. Plus Pennington throws the best 5 yard deep post in the league.

Pennington was happy to have a great back-up backing him up. Honestly, I think I am the guy for the job. Who needs arm strength, mobility, poise and athleticism when you have mental toughness? Don't get me wrong, Brett is tough. He does play in -3 degrees, but has he been booed by the vicious NY'ers yet. NO… Bret t responded quickly and sharply. "First off, you guys play in Fucking New Jersey. That's like calling my old team the Michigan Packers. It is fucked up! Secondly, I have never been hurt and I am known as an iron man, but the Pope himself couldn't protect me with your shitty O-Line. If I have to go in, I am going to fake a career ending injury then I will be picked up by the Patriots and me and Brady will split time 50/50. Then I can play until I am at least 47 & whip your guys' asses twice a year."

So how is this season going to turn out we asked you, the audience? The Jets will be an improved team, with a high pay roll and no post season success. It will amount to nothing more than frustration and NJ and NY'ers saying "We'll get em next year! It's our year!" I tell them to simply GROW UP PETER PAN.

Arthur Calton

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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