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Tuesday, 17 February 2009

image for The Fart Chart Willie Smiff, a Departmrnt of Environment Investigator

The Department of the Environment have published the following scale and would like to know where you rate? Please send your answers via Airmail.

The Farter Chart .... Types Of Farters

VAIN : One who loves the smell of his own fart

AMBITIOUS : Always ready for a fart

LAZY : Just fizzle

AMIABLE : Likes to smell others' farts

PROUD : Thinks his farts are exceptionally pleasant

SHY : Blushes when he farts silently

IRREVERENT : Farts in church

SMART ALEC : Farts when ladies are present

CLEVER : Farts and coughs at the same time

SCIENTIFIC : Bottles his farts for later sniffing

STINGY : Belches to save his ass hole

TIMID : Jumps when he farts

CONCEITED : Thinks he can fart the loudest

UNFORTUNATE : Tries to fart but shits himself

FOOLISH : Suppresses a fart for hours

BEWILDERED : Can't tell his own fart from others

NERVOUS : Stops in the middle of a fart

MISERABLE : Can't fart at all

CONFUSED : Face is so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to go

GROUCH : Grumbles when ladies fart

SNEAKY : Farts and blames it on the dog

DISAPPOINTED : Fart doesn't smell

CHILDISH : Farts and then giggles

FRESH GUY : Jumps in front of you and then farts

BIG BULLY : Farts louder than others

DUMB : Enjoys others' farts, thinks they are his own

CUTE : Smells your farts and then tells you what you were eating

WISE GUY : Farts and asks who shit

DAMNED MEAN : Farts and then pulls the covers over his wife's head

MUSICAL : Tenor or bass, clear as a bell, smells like shit and sounds like hell

ATHLETIC : Jumps in the air, farts 3 times, and kicks his heels 3 times

SLOB : Farts and stains his underwear

IMPUDENT : Farts out loud and then laughs

ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollution

HONEST : Admits he farted but offers a good medical reason

DISHONEST : Farts and then blames the dog

THRIFTY : One who always has farts in reserve

ANTI-SOCIAL : Excuses himself and farts in private

STRATEGIC : Conceals his fart by loud laughter

INTELLECTUAL : Analyzes the smell of his neighbors' fart

WIMPY : Farts at the slightest exertion

SADIST : Farts in bed, then fluffs the covers

SENSITIVE : Farts and then starts crying

AQUATIC : Farts in bath, then breaks bubbles with toes

MASOCHIST : Farts in the bath tub and tries to bite the bubbles

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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