'You might as well accept it.' as wrinkly rocker Robert Palmer used to suggest, "You're addicted to…" TheSpoof.com. Well… he used to suggest it to our parents anyway - eh kids? But being addicted to TheSpoof.com is no laughing matter. In the last few years the incidence of TheSpoof.com addiction has gone through the roofies.
And what about the peripheral damage with such a disease? How many of us can say "I went out and specifically bought a pertinent Valentine's card for my wife/husband/significant other? "
How many can actually say "I have a wife/husband/significant other"?
The point is that if you are not careful TheSpoof.com can wreck your life. You may think you can control it or that it's only a passing phase, but it's not.
One day you will wake up and realise that TheSpoof.com is your first thought of the day - the last thought of the night - and pretty much everything in between. Your whole existence is dependant on what's going on in a very few peoples heads and your driving force is the fact that there are 457 people on line right now! How many people are readers of this? Are all the readers, writers? Is there a system controlling which story hits the front page or is it random, or is there a system? It's absolutely frightening.
Well perhaps this is the time to stand up and say "I am a Spoofer and I am not afraid to admit it!" "I have spoofed but TheSpoof.com is not my master!" "These may not be my friends, but they do not want to see me to fall on the sword of my ridiculous parodies" "My heart is strong but my landlady wants to eat my earwax." See? Just these statements are enough to make you feel somewhat better.
Maybe better enough to see who's in the top twenty UK Spoofs. Maybe better enough to see what is top of the Sports Page. Maybe even better enough to think you could do better?
Oh my word, as Stephen Fry would say, who the fark are we kidding? TheSpoof.com is our life - our soul - our total raison d'être. The point is, we need The TheSpoof.com and all that it entails. We need its urgency, its pertinance and particularly its ability to look history in the eye and say "what a big eye." We need the internationalism, the ubiquitousness, the writer's fellowship and the global artistic snootiness.
We need it all, at least until a proper writing job comes up.
Filed 03:39 - 11 Feb 2009