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Sunday, 8 February 2009

The other night Dave and I were watching the BBC AMERICA channel. We stumbled across a program called Should I Smoke Dope? Hooked by the title I was instantly intrigued and wondered why I had not been watching this channel more often. Really? A whole show about pot?

We got comfortable on the couch and sent the kids upstairs to play. Neither of them have gone through the D.A.R.E. program at school yet (and God help us when they do) so they probably wouldn't have been able to figure out why we were giggling and acting like we had a contact high via the T.V. but still, it's not something we really wanted them to watch.

The show was about an immersive journalist named Nicky Taylor who was sent off to Amsterdam to take part in a month long experiment to determine whether or not pot will make you crazy, if it's worse than alcohol, and if it's stronger than it used to be.

Um, Nicky? HOW DID YOU GET THIS GIG? Because I have a "friend" who would totally be interested in participating in some future pot smoking experiments. Especially after watching her smoke her way from Amsterdam back to the U.K.

Nicky was just cracking up most of the time she was on camera. There was one scene where she COULD NOT CONTAIN HERSELF and her laugh was coming out in those little bursts like when you're trying so hard not to laugh which just makes it even harder to stay in control. Then they made Nicky drive a car through an obstacle course. If she fucked up she ran over PLASTIC BABIES. Nicky had to drive the course stoned and then get drunk and drive it again. THIS IS HER JOB. Nicky's job is to get drunk and stoned and drive on a closed course while trying to avoid hitting the babies. Nicky is a real shit driver though and those baby heads were rolling all over the place while she LAUGHED HER ASS OFF.

So the real question is, how do I apply for Nicky's job? I'm totally qualified. Is there a web site I need to visit? Will there be an online application I should fill out? However, because a certain sibling (who shall not be named) was forced to surrender MY bong to the cops I am SOL on a visual aid to go along with my application and resume to whomever is doing the hiring at BBC AMERICA.

And before anyone gets all bent out of shape because I have children and I'm talkin' 'bout smokin' dooby I need to tell you that I haven't seen that bong since 1986 and my cannabis experience isn't remotely recent (hell none of my experience is recent which might explain why my mailbox is not full to bursting with employment offer letters).

But if the BBC AMERICA is looking for more applicants for the next installment of Should I Smoke Dope? I just want to make them aware that there's an open minded unemployed Midwestern housewife with a little extra time on her hands.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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