Written by PP Rega
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Saturday, 7 February 2009

image for Mr. Peanut Goes to Washington What Mr. Peanut does when he get Salmonella.

Mr. Peanut had just arrived in Washington, D.C. driving his hybrid P-Nut-o-Mobile. He zoomed past The White House straight down Pennsylvania Avenue to Congress. He was scheduled to speak before the Congressional Finance Committee. While he was waiting in the wings, reporters, spotting the leguminous icon, dressed in top hat and walking cane, mobbed him. As Mr. Peanut gamely posed for photographers and signed autographs outside of the Congressional Hearing Room, reporters pummeled him with questions. Here is an edited transcript of one such encounter:

Reporter: Mr. Peanut…Mr. Peanut. Why are you testifying?

Mr. Peanut: Simple, gentlemen of the Press, although Salmonella typhimurium has contaminated less than 0.0001% of all peanuts in America, the industry is down 25%.

Reporter: So?

Mr. Peanut: The peanut industry needs a bail-out.

Reporter: Do you think Congress will give it to you?

Mr. Peanuts: If they gave it to the greed-merchants in New York and the Bacchian gas-guzzlers in Detroit, they'll give it to us.

Reporter: How much are you asking for?

Mr. Peanut: $50 billion.

Reporter: $50 billion!!! Holy mackerel! Do you think you'll get it?

Mr. Peanut: It's peanuts!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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