Written by Mister Crow
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Friday, 6 February 2009

The management of a school in the North of England have been desperately seeking the instigator(s) of a series of leaflets ridiculing the management and circulated around the school.

It followed 2 incidents of bullying when a deputy head screeched at teachers "If you don't like it here you can f*** off" in response to teachers having a moan about their bosses.

The first leaflet was entitled "School Official Newsletter" and gave the school a motto "If you don't like it ....". It then went into the schools behaviour policy, and coined the now much used phrase in schools "severe letting off".

Crowburn Pie School - Official Newsletter

Crowburn Pie School has unveiled a new behaviour policy today, and the chief crows are said to be well pleased with it. The report system will work as follows:

    Pupils goes on green report for 2 weeks
    If this fails, Orange report for 2 weeks
    If this fails, Red report for 2 weeks
    If this fails, give pupil a severe letting off
    Start again


The behaviour policy also define new sanctions for pupils misdemeanours:

    Disrupting a lesson - allow to continue
    Abusive language to a teacher - 10 minutes detention
    Assaulting a teacher - 15 minutes detention
    Smoking dope in school - turn blind eye
    Throwing desks or chairs - severe letting off
    Bullying - appeal to pupil's better nature
    Bringing weapon into school - turn other blind eye


The next article reports on the management's reaction to the leaflet (they were seriously not pleased.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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