Written by Duff
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Sunday, 5 April 2009

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Dear Duff,

I think that I'm just too nice and I think that this is not allowing me to see the bad side of people.

Just recently I had a builder round to quote for an extension. I asked if he had any satisfied customers and he told me that he was always doing work for Esther Rantzen.

He then asked me for thirty grand up front, "just for exes like squire" and it was only after I had given him the money and he'd left my house, I realised that I had no way of contacting him. That was two weeks ago and he's not come back yet to start the job.

Do you think that assertiveness classes are the answer for me?

Please reply promptly as I am wrestling with whether or not to send the remainder of my savings to a Kenyan Prince who's got something funny happening to his bank account. I don't think it's a fiddle but you never know.

Blodwyn Fridge
Wokingham, Berks

Duff replies:

Dear Blodwyn,

It never fails to amaze me that mugs, like your good self and no offence, allow themselves to be taken in by scumbags and rip-off merchants like these.

Really Blodwyn! Have you got shit for brains? It really beggars belief that anybody could be so fucking dense!! Only a complete knob would give a builder 30k up front. Christ on a bike!!!

Anyway I hope this advice helps and...Oh yeah! It's gonna cost you £700 quid for my fees. Please send me a cheque C/O The Spoof.com

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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