Written by ChrisAshby13
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Tuesday, 3 February 2009

image for Creationist Mythbusters, Episode 2 Not The Lord

Hello again, readers, and I do hope that you are well, and Righteous, and True. I enjoyed writing your last instalment so much that I have decided not to ditch this gig after all.

This week was hard for me. Some mean, sinful man, called me a 'moron,' after I posted my very first article. This man sent me a very rude email, which he wrote on what can only have been The Devil's Laptop itself. I gain little consolation from the surety that this cursed heathen will suffer an eternity of torment, and remain shocked, hurt, and determined to spread the Good News to a wider audience than ever before.

But why, that very merchant of blasphemy, that depraved, wanton soul, has darkened my mood to a depth of intensity that Christ himself could not relieve.

Today's first question comes from Michael, all the way from Tennessee.

"Tell me, Derek: if it is true that God created man, and it is true that The Lord created fish, why, then, are men not able to breathe from the sea's fluid? Did The Lord fashion man in a designedly imperfect manner? I would love the chance to swim, unaided, with the whales, and be at peace. But I can't. Is this the work of Satan himself? Yours truly,
Michael."

Why thank you Michael. You are obviously grossly misinformed, but possess a clean, unadulterated, and devout spirit; and that is what counts (not with heaven though, you must be intelligent to enter heaven).

You question The Lord's perfection, and that is an unforgivable error of reckoning. No, God did not render mankind "designedly imperfect," you poor, poor boy; God sculpted all humans in "his image, his likeness." Rather than asking, "Why are men not able to breathe from the sea," you should instead wonder, "why does God not breathe from the sea." Does God live in the sea? No, he clearly does not. So we, who resemble God, also cannot live in the sea. Simplified, your enquiry reads, 'why are we made to resemble The Lord, and not The Fish.' This is a stupid question.

No thanks to all the atheists and Muslims who purposely evaded my request that they not participate in this enlightening journey of the mind. No thanks at all.

If you do not understand any of the words that I have used, or, for any reason disagree with me - because you have not understood - then please send a courteous, concise response to my email letterbox. Until next time,

Derek Dimbleby.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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