Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Tuesday, 3 February 2009

image for Top Ten Reasons Why Bush didn't sign any Presidential Pardons:

10) Bush was confident that history would absolve his actions (and those acting under his authority) that was fully sanctioned by Congress; freely surrendering their
Constitutional power to declare war to our nation's Twenty-First Century wartime president.

9) Bush didn't know how to translate the word "Pardon" from Mexican into Texican.

8) Sometime during the "Last Night in the White House Pajama Party", someone lifted all the "Get Out of Jail Free" cards from the Monopoly Game Bush was playing with Paulson and Cheney.

7) Cheney placed them all in his "Man Safe" and he forgot the combination.

6) Cheney hid them in the one place he knew Bush would never bother to look: the top drawer of the Presidential desk in the Oval Office.

5) Bush couldn't find his Official Presidential Smiley Face Rubber Stamp Seal that Congress gave him to pass legislation by operation of law that they didn't have the
balls to pass themselves and needed a fall guy and scapegoat all rolled into one. Playing the old, "Lets Run out the Clock On: 'No Term Limitation on Us like There Is
On You" game, just in case things don't go as well as expected to be picked up as the next political campaign slogan to get them re-elected.

4) No one in the Bush administration called out the secret password: "Ollie! Ollie North!" before he boarded Marine Executive 1 for Andrews Air force Base.

3) Bush wanted to be able to brass it out, hold his head up high and go out classy like Frank Sinatra singing: "And I did it, my way!"

2) "Hey, hold on for one doggone minute here," said Bush as they were presented to him for signing. "Didn't I already pardon all the turkeys on Capitol Hill?"

1) "Pardons? Who needs pardons? We don't need no stinkin' pardons," said Bush as he stood up, pushing the unsigned pardons aside. Then reaching for one last time to draw out his Colt 45 pistol, he realized for the first-time ever that it was not at his side, as he had imagined it had been all along for the past eight years.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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