Written by Duff
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Monday, 2 February 2009

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Dear Duff

I think I'm going crackers because I'm hearing voices all the time and I can't seem to get any peace.

I go out to Strabucks and there are people talking - voices. I then go to the supermarket and hear people talking there also - more voices.

But the worst thing of all is I may be lying in bed at night and then get up and press a tumbler against my neighbours wall. I can frequently hear more voices and they are strangely muffled.

I don't know what to do. Can you please help me?

Big Ears McGrath
Dorking

Duff replies:

Dear Big Ears,

I don't think you're going mad at all. It's just that you're a bit of a pillock - nothing to worry about and I expect that you'll grow out of it.

As a coping strategy in the meantime why not start singing a song that you like very loudly. That ought to drown out the voices and at least give you some peace.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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