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Official transcript of Cabinet meeting covering the Invasion of Iraq on March 17th, 2003.

Released via Information Tribunal request.

Tony Blair: Ok guys, before Clare and the Ginger one come in, let's sort this out.

Jack Straw: You mean Iraq, prime minister?

Tony: Yes, Iraq and don't call me that. It's Tony.

Look it is going to be heated, so let's lighten it up a bit. Let's just tell them we've made the decision already.

Follow my lead, it'll be hilarious.

(Clare short and Robin Cook enter)

Tony: Ok, is everyone here? Great.

Well let's start off with Saddam.

We bought some legal clearance, UN declaration gives us carte blanche. That's right isn't it, Goldie.

Lord Goldsmith, Attorney General: Yes pri... Sorry yes, Tony.

Tony: Ok, here are some photos of what could be a WMD or a mosque. CIA says there were some pretty shifty looking types there.

So a show of hands, please. Shall we invade? Cool, that's all of us - bar two.

Prime Minister, I can't believe this. This means going to war. We need serious debate.

Gordon Brown: We've had all the debate, now sod off Shorty back international development. This is proper business.

[Whispering] Saddam lover.

Tony: You have to respect our collective decision.

Cook: Come on. We can't do it like this. [He goes on to mumble incoherently for several minutes]. You know the intelligence is next to nothing.

Tony: Bush loves it

That's because it is written in crayon. Prime minister, with respect, you can shove it up Bush's arse.

Tony: Thanks, your position is noted.

Short: Without due respect prime minster, fuck off.
[short leaves]
Ginger: you see [he mumbles with only the word 'poodle' recognisable and leaves]


Tony: Ha ha! Brilliant. Did you see their faces!

Gordon, 'saddam lover' brilliant. I didn't think you would keep a straight face.

Gordon: Sorry I forgot about the joke.

[all round laughter is recorded.]

Tony: Ok, let's move onto other business, we'll take that vote on Iraq as final and move on.

[Blair turns round]

That's how you wanted it Mr Campbell?

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