Official transcript of Cabinet meeting covering the Invasion of Iraq on March 17th, 2003.
Released via Information Tribunal request.
Tony Blair: Ok guys, before Clare and the Ginger one come in, let's sort this out.
Jack Straw: You mean Iraq, prime minister?
Tony: Yes, Iraq and don't call me that. It's Tony.
Look it is going to be heated, so let's lighten it up a bit. Let's just tell them we've made the decision already.
Follow my lead, it'll be hilarious.
(Clare short and Robin Cook enter)
Tony: Ok, is everyone here? Great.
Well let's start off with Saddam.
We bought some legal clearance, UN declaration gives us carte blanche. That's right isn't it, Goldie.
Lord Goldsmith, Attorney General: Yes pri... Sorry yes, Tony.
Tony: Ok, here are some photos of what could be a WMD or a mosque. CIA says there were some pretty shifty looking types there.
So a show of hands, please. Shall we invade? Cool, that's all of us - bar two.
Short: Prime Minister, I can't believe this. This means going to war. We need serious debate.
Gordon Brown: We've had all the debate, now sod off Shorty back international development. This is proper business.
[Whispering] Saddam lover.
Tony: You have to respect our collective decision.
Cook: Come on. We can't do it like this. [He goes on to mumble incoherently for several minutes]. You know the intelligence is next to nothing.
Tony: Bush loves it
Short: That's because it is written in crayon. Prime minister, with respect, you can shove it up Bush's arse.
Tony: Thanks, your position is noted.
Short: Without due respect prime minster, fuck off.
Ginger: you see [he mumbles with only the word 'poodle' recognisable and leaves]
Tony: Ha ha! Brilliant. Did you see their faces!
Gordon, 'saddam lover' brilliant. I didn't think you would keep a straight face.
Gordon: Sorry I forgot about the joke.
[all round laughter is recorded.]
Tony: Ok, let's move onto other business, we'll take that vote on Iraq as final and move on.
[Blair turns round]
That's how you wanted it Mr Campbell?