Written by NODDY
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Sunday, 25 January 2009

My in-tray often contains heart-rending stories of bravery and people beating the odds. Martin's letter wasn't one of them.

He writes; "Dear Lettuce, I was recently made redundant from my job in a Major Highstreet Bank. In the last year I have taken on a £185,000 mortgage and a £7,000 car loan, my wife has given birth to quadruplets so has had to give up her job. My redundancy pay will only cover 2 months' mortgage, and I'm wondering what you would advise me to do."

My reply is the same for anyone who finds themselves in this dreadful situation; Max up your credit card, don't pay any more bills (including mortgage), buy a cheap but reliable camper van, and two days before the bailiffs come knocking, head for Dover and don't stop driving 'till you get to Morocco. Good luck Martin!

(Dictated from Holloway Prison)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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