Written by Rob Barratt

Print this

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

image for Turbine NIMBY Turbine NIMBY

Turbine NIMBY by Rob Barratt (A song to the tune of "I'm a Lumberjack" or "Three Drunken Maidens" or make up a tune of your own.

I've got a ten foot Sony plasma screen
Lights on all over the house
A flash Toshiba microwave
A computer with a mouse

I've got loads of electrical appliances
But though I'm not one to whine
I want it all and I want it now
But I don't want a wind turbine

I've got a home chock-full of the best white stuff
I really don't mean to boast
I've got CCTV cameras
And a toaster that toasts my toast

I've got two robotic garage doors
And security lights that shine
I've got everything you can plug in
But I don't want a wind turbine

'Cos I'm a turbine NIMBY
And life is oh so hard
Stick your turbine where the sun don't shine
But not in my backyard

I've got a new Zanussi washing machine
That's the answer to all my prayers
And a genuine Alpine ski-lift
To help me up the stairs

I've got an electronic corkscrew
To open my bottles of wine
I want all the supplies that are advertised
But I don't want a wind turbine

I think I'll form an action group
And 'phone the local press
We'll have ourselves a meeting
And there we will confess

That nuclear waste is to our taste
And fossil fuels are fine
And although they're quiet and graceful
We don't want a wind turbine


You'll see me on the front page
As I get into my stride
I'll say wind turbines scare the sheep
And spoil the countryside

I'll go on telly and complain
With a big "No Turbines" sign
I want my electricity
But I don't want a wind turbine

No, I don't want a wind turbine
I don't want a big wind farm
And although they're inoffensive
And don't do you any harm

I'll make a stand throughout the land
To prevent this heinous crime
I want oil and coal and uranium
But I don't want a wind turbine


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top