Written by matwil

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Sunday, 18 January 2009

image for Kaka's Coronation Street script Kaka's whippet goin' to Rovers with 'is master

After his multi-million pound signing to move to Manchester, Brazilian star Kaka made his debut in this evening's Corrie:

'Ay oop, Kaka, how's tricks?'

'Nobbut fair to middlin', Bet, fair to middlin'. Give us a pint of Newton and Ridley's, love.'

'Ah 'eard you was on 'oliday in Italy.'

'Aye, I was, but it were reet boring, nowt but loads of poncey money-grabbin' footballers and their stuck-up wives, and lots of garlic and pizzas and culture. Eee, it's grand to be 'ome.'

'Some of the lads were askin' for you, Kaks, said Rovers' darts team weren't same since you'd buggered off on 'oliday.'

'Aye, when I were in Dagoland I'd've given a hundred million quid just to be back 'ere, wi' me whippets and me view of Salford's multis. Mind you, I got me giros sent to Milan just to tide me over.'

'So what are your plans now, Kaks?'

'Well, Bet, I really fancy getting a paper-round at the corner shop, otherwise I might learn to paint like me uncle Lowry, 'e were champion at painting houses. And not a bad footballer, according to me old Dad.'

'Rugby football?'

'Oh aye, Rugby League, none of your namby-pamby soccer for my family, we're Northerners! Does Georgie Best still drop in 'ere for a pint?'

'Nay, 'is agent sent him to play in Europe just to make lots of money. Were total betrayal of the fans.'

'Well, I need to 'ead off and see if I can get last black pudding supper at chippy before it closes. See ya, Bet.'

'Bye Kaka - be good, and if you can't be good, get another agent.'

'Does Deirdre still live 'ere? I fancy not being good with 'er!'

'Deirdre moved to Madrid, said she got fed up with all the fakes around Manchester.'

'Oh, OK.'


[Camera pans out to Kaka walking his whippets to the chippy, while a brass band plays in the background]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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