Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
This week you will not only confirm the saying, "He who smelt it, dealt it" but add your own "and also felt it!"
Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
It would be nice to have a close friend to go places with and who would slap you on the back from time to time, like right now while you're choking on that big piece of meat.
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Your disagreement with the decision others made over the holiday office party meal has been proven right, even though you wound up with the shits the same as they did.
Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Glad you're feeling better. Wearing a turkey outfit was a fun idea for the family Thanksgiving meal but who knew that Uncle Ray had invited the Cheneys.
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
The good news is that you'll be recognized as a hero next week. The bad news is that forensics will only recognize you by your teeth.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Looks like the only thing you accomplished by having your ass copied 100 times during the New Year's party is that from now on, you'll be known as the Company Ass.
Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
You should have known better than to bring you girlfriend to a restaurant with you. Naturally she exploded with the first mouthful of hot coffee.
Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
Not a good week for burying dead things in the backyard, unless you move the dogs to the front yard.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
You might have just won that political office in November by pointing out in your speech that "no two snowflakes were exactly alike", if you had just stopped there and hadn't finished up with "but they're all white".
Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEPT)
You'll be glad to know that your last meal will be your favorite once again. What kind of hold do you have over the Governor anyway?
Libra (23 SEPT-23 OCT)
Your best friend, the town drunk, will come to you in the middle of the night and insist that you give him a push. Finally you go outside in the cold and look for his car only to find him in the kid's swing.
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
So go ahead and be a picky eater all your life and stick with just food.