Written by Double Diamond
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Friday, 9 January 2009

image for Is there a North/South divide? An example of a typical Northerner

In the midst of the biggest economic downturn in living memory, TheSpoof.com has decided to carry out a survey to see if this has had any effect on the North/South divide.

We first of all started in the North of the country and immediately were struck by just how many people smoked woodbines. Their also appeared to be a propensity towards the wearing of cloth caps and breeding whippets.

The main hobbies of these Northern folk were blowing up old chimneys and spending most days in the bookies. Indeed most Northerners either live over the top of a book keepers or a fish and chip shop.

Also, curiously, Northerners treat street lamps with extreme suspicion as they cannot comprehend electric lighting.

Next we travelled to the South of our proud nation.

We were instantly taken aback to just how different things are down South, it was like travelling into a different universe.

Practically the entire population of the South wears a bowler hat and rides around in a red double-decker bus.

They address each other as "Mate", and the majority of the male population appears to be called "Wayne".

Also, most days seem to be spent on the pub drinking a strange alcoholic concoction called "Shandy". This is then followed by a nice relaxing brawl in the street where the tradition is for someone to get "Stabbed".

So is their a North/South divide? You decide! I've got a whippet that needs feeding and I'm gagging for a woodbine.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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