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Thursday, 8 January 2009

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Dear TheSpoof.com Magazine Editor,

This here is Wiley Beery and I live out on the Huntsville Road in Montgomery County. Please run this letter in your Letters to the Editor department of your internet magazine.

Maybe you can help me out here. I keep writing to the Lieutenant General Store about a stain remover they sold me for my carpet. It was a Hu Stain Remover.

I wrote to the Lieutenant General Store people and one wrote back that I would have to deal directly with the Hu Stain Remover people.

The Hu Stain Remover people are in Hong Kong.

I don't know how to write Hong Kongese, nor speak it, so it's no use calling. I tried twice using the number on the box of stain remover. Their speech sounded like short passes of gas. Who can talk with somebody who talks like short passes of gas?

Now the Lieutenant General Store has Sheriff Belly Bob Armstrong come and remove me when I go over there.

Can you or anyone out there help me? I need help bad.

Let me tell you exactly what happened:

I bought a can of Hu Stain Remover, brought it home and sprayed it on a spot on my carpet. When I rubbed it with a cloth, it come right off the carpet. But then I laid the cloth down on my Lazy Boy chair and it got on it.

It never goes away. The stuff DOES remove a stain but then the stain comes off and appears on other things.

Within the past two weeks, it's been all over the house!

I was deeply embarrassed Sunday when Brother Gary Embree come over after church for dinner and when I went to get him a refill on his coffee, he had that stain on his
forehead when I come back to the table. He favored that Russian leader of awhile back.

Now I don't know where it is.

It always comes off when I use Hu's Stain Remover but then it appears elsewhere.

I've tried throwing the cleaning cloth away but before I can usually get it into the garbage can, it's come off on my pant leg.

Then it got on the commode lid.

Then I noticed it was still on my pantleg also, although the two are a little lighter than when I just had one.

I saw Jerry Hatchor leaving with the garbage the other day and he had two stain spots on his right arm.

Is there any such thing as a Hu Stain Remover Remover?

Anyone Hu can help, call 8W8-606-7124 but don't come out here on the Huntsville Road in Montgomery County or you may be taking home a souvenir.

Sincerely,


Wiley Beery

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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