Written by chris whewell

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Thursday, 1 January 2009

image for Secrets of the Illuminati Mr Towlin-Robe recreates his working stance, but now with a foil-lined beret.

For years, ordinary people have scoffed at seemingly crazed loonies as they gibber on about Planet Earth being ruled by an alien species of lizard, known as the Illuminati.

Now, through a chance encounter, a relatively sane rent boy, currently of no fixed abode in the King's Cross area of central London, seems to corroborate the mentalist theory.

Terry Towlin-Robe, previously educated at Harrow, but now a crack cocaine addict explains: "Whilst administering fellatio to a High Court judge who had "fancied a bit of rough trade", I felt something fall onto my head.

"I opened my eyes and looked up at my punter, only to see that, because his head was nodding so much, it had caused his wig to fall off. Without missing my stroke, I looked down and saw that the wig was lined with a metallic substance.

"When I'd finished my business, I handed it back to my John, and asked what the metal lining was for. The judge explained to me that the lining was to prevent mind control messages being received through the ether, sent to Earth from the mother ship, which is invisible to human eyes.

"Now normally I'd have ignored such twaddle as being the frenzied ravings of a madman, but there was something in the way he spoke that made me listen more closely. And then he said something that made me realise that everything he had said was the utter truth. Well - plus the fact that his eyelids closed from the side and not from the top.

He asked me to explain to him why Royalty and the Nobility all wore Crowns, Coronets and Tiaras.

The penny dropped!

Nobody in their right mind could expect to command respect whilst dressed in an aluminium foil hat. Over the years, the Illuminati have come up with cunning disguises in order to cover up their message-deflectors. From medieval times, the toffs have worn suits of armour, military helemts, crowns and tiaras. From the Queen down to a high court judge, they all wear some crazy old stle headgear!

It's true! It's true! said Mr. Towlin-Robe as the police carted him off. Just look at these guy's hideous helmets!

More to follow.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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