Written by PY1000
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Sunday, 28 December 2008

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Hello Dance Fans. In a heartbreaking tragic miscarriage of justice, I have been BANNED from dancing in Europe for 25 years, for dance floor related crimes against humanity.

Under the circumstances a mainland UK ban was inevitable, but the full European wide ban has left me a shell of a man. I have always enjoyed dancing on the continent. Infact for period of time in the 90's, the ONLY place i would dance, was on the continent.

If you are reading this Judge Grawbowski, I maintain that I did not cause that stampede. Many of those trampled to death in the rush towards the dance floor would still be alive today if the DJ hadn't announced over the tannoy that I was about to start rocking.

Thankfully, and sensibly, as part of my community service I have been urged to pass on my silky silky skills to as many people as poss, before my government imposed retirement. (The judge also ruled that a video of myself dancing should be burried in a time capsule for future generations. Fair play to him for that.)

Therefore I am pleased and devastated to announce that I am unlocking the door to my dancemove locker and offering dance lessons, free of charge, to you. By law I am unable to teach pupils any of my personal (and most erotic) moves, such as the naked handstand moonwalk, or the kinky butterfly, but all PG rated moves are on the menu.

I specialise in all forms of dance, and believe me, I mean ALL forms. If there is a style of dance out there that I don't specialise in, you must have just invented it. So roll up roll up one and all for your private tuition.

Schedule as follows:

Sundays: Advanced Wedding dancing. -The agadoo, the superman, the birdy song (beginner and professional), the oaky coaky, the caterpilla, the blockbusters dance, the grandad shuffle, the wig wam bam, the saturday night, plus requests

Mondays: Traditional dance fans are welcome and well catered for (the waltz, the fox trot etc) For those 50's rockers out there look no further (mash potato, hand jive, twist etc) -also on mondays

Disco, pogo, mosh, -will be on tuesdays. plus some obscure forms such as voodoo, & rain dance classes,

Wednesdays: the patrick swayze freestyle class, the kevin bacon hip swivel teqnique, the T-Birds appreciation hour, the double jointed crab of funk,

Thursdays: Specialist Classes. Any rockers out there wanting to improve in specific areas such as defensive dancing, or urban social group acceptance dancing,.. for example if you move into a lower middle class area of america and the local kids won't be your friend, then i can teach you the dance steps to impress those wankers.

Fridays: Fridays was reserved for erotic moves night. But it seems that i am banned from teaching these moves (thanks Judge) Still, where there is a will, there is a way. I don't particularly want to have to teach fridays erotic dance class in a disguise of a wet suit and diving mask, but i feel i have no choice.


First come first served. No senior citizens.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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