Written by Rob Barratt

Print this

Friday, 26 December 2008

image for My Christmas Box A Christmas poem, but not what you'd expect.

We'll have an X-Men, X-files, X-Box, no socks, X-Factor, Max Factor, Max Bygraves, no war graves of a Christmas

I want empathy, an MP3, a hemp-free, hump-free, grump-free, Humperdink, have-a drink of a Christmas

An Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Oh strictly come dancing, come-on come-on, curmudgeonly comfy chair of a Christmas

A Doctor Do-Little, Doctor Who, PS2, Snoop Dog, poop scoop, Scooby Doo, *doo-bi-doo-bi-doo, bi-doo-bi-doo-bi, …doo-bi-doo-bi-doo, bi-doo-bi-doo-bi …. of a Christmas
*(sing this bit to "Strangers in the Night" by Frank Sinatra)

A God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, eat, drink and be very, very, very merry, Neneh Cherry, cherubim, seraphim, Cherry B, Babycham, Babyshambles, Baby Jesus of a Christmas

An Electric Ladyland, electronic toy, Toy Story, Tolstoy, toyboy, ladyboy, ladyshave, Ladybird, Ladysmith Black Mambazo of a Christmas

We'll have a Kung Fu Panda pandemic, planned pandemonium, potted plants, Pirates of Penzance, pants of a Christmas

A no God, I-pod, I want, I got, what a lot, why not, chestnut-hot, gut rot of a Christmas

We'll have a Band Aid, slow fade, old Slade, teasmaid, Lucozade, "Look at my presents!" of a Christmas

I want a no-Mugabe, Punjabi, kohlrabi, Westminster Abbey, get flabby, kimosabe, Abu Dhabi, yabba-dabba-doo, fandabidozi, Beaky, Mick and Tich ……of a Christmas

I don't believe angels exist
'Cos I'm a bit of an atheist
But I hope you all have………….

An archangel Gabriel, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, wing-ding, wild thing, Angel Delight, no fights, fairy lights, angel cake, William Blake, Angel Clare, love everywhere, angels above, peace and love, peace and love, peace and love….. of a Christmas

Merry Christmas!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top