Dear TheSpoof.com...celebrities get things off their chest with a little rant and a rave.
It hurts my feelings when people make fun of the way I talk. You need to listen to what I actually say! That's far more worthy of ridicule.
Just trying to keep up
I am apalled by such Tomfoolery! Time was when a well written epistle would rankle the ne'er-do-wells and inspire the common Joe to greater heights in his everyday travails. No more, I am sad to say. You magazine is rife with such high falutin' balderdash it would make any slug-a-bed seem industrious! And humor? I recall paying a nickel to see Rabinowitz and Katz sing "Oh You Girly" at the Arcadia Theatre and the performance was interspersed with jokes that the whole family could chuckle at. You would do well to learn from their board trotting!
One more thing: how does one remove a medium sized cat's eye marble from one's rectum? It's for a friend of mine, who isn't me.
Phineas Q. Huffington
This is December 16, the day that Napoleon stormed Atlanta and killed 100,000 Laotians from the planet Googiepants. God Bless America? God Darn America I say. That's right, you heard me!
The Reverend Jeremiah Wright
Spilling cream soda on his honorary doctorates
Did you see that guy who threw a pair of shoes at my head? Well, the joke's on him. Guess who's wearing an almost new pair of shoes? Well, it's me, in case you couldn't guess. Can you guess now? It's me!
George W. Bush
You do look like George Burns!
I've been thinking of changing "the audacity of hope" to "just praying we aren't too screwed already." Also, I can't stop pooping. See you at the next crisis.
Rethinking the whole "Yes we can" thing
Do you know what I like to do on a rainy day? Wear half a watermelon like a hat and march around Walmart.