NEW YORK - UPDATE 1
FDA approves stevia as a sweetener due to TheSpoof readers calls and letters!
World Trade Organization, United States liaison, Dr. Atsdied, gave this exclusive scoop to TheSpoof, minutes ago.
Dr. Atsdied told TheSpoof, "Due to the problems caused by the sweetener aspartame, we have banned world trade of this substance. That is why stevia is being prepared for use as a replacement for aspartame. However, since China has 700 billion dollars worth of aspartame that it cannot sell as a sweetener, we are seeking, on an emergency basis, any new applications for aspartame.
"We are already aware of the uses of aspartame as a poison, or drug, so please do not send us these ideas. We are looking for fresh, bright ideas. Otherwise, most of the TARP funds may be used to compensate China for all the aspartame that they have produced, as was planned. However, TARP funds are now needed for other bailouts.
"Please send your idea to your local fire department. They will be able to see if the idea violates any hazardous substance rules, and if not, it will be forwarded to us.
"Please act now. As I speak, the aspartame is starting to break down into nasty byproducts!
"The Federal Reserve will keep interest rates at zero until we have a winning idea.
"The winner will get 500 pounds of aspartame at no charge, sent to any address he wishes, pending review by local fire officials, and the EPA, of the respective recipient country. Aspartame may be shipped to Cuba without restriction."
The offical announcement is expected tomorrow. You may forward any ideas to the author if you don't have a fire department.