Written by IN SEINE
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Sunday, 14 December 2008

image for Santa is forced to make considerable cuts as credit crunch bites! Donner: "I'm ready to pull my weight!"

In his North Pole Annual Report, Santa Claus has highlighted the enormity of the massive Global Economic downturn and its' effects have caused him to make some cuts too!

He reported this gloomy information to In Seine News and readers must be warned that it does not make comfortable reading;

"Two of my Reindeer, Cupid and Comet have chosen to take the 'early reindeer retirement package'. This apparent 'bad news' has made me think long and hard on whether to replace them or not? As such, other restructuring decisions will need to be taken at the North Pole.

It seems that technology has overtaken tradition and home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have somewhat diminished Santa's market share; furthermore, on-line shopping recently reported the busiest day ever! It appears that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. However, be assured that I shall not sit idly by and allow further erosion of the profit picture.

Even though Cupid and Comet have gone, all is well because I have purchased the latest Japanese sled for my annual trip. It can carry twice the amount of parcels at twice the speed for three times the distance - that's economy for you. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavourable press. Donner (nicknamed 'Kebab' by all of the others), my strongest reindeer has been on a business studies course at Oxbridge University, and should take up the slack with no noticeable loss of service.

I am pleased to say that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed - he's still leader of the pack! I must deny the rumours that have been circulating about his proboscis. I feel that the truth must be told; Rudolph's nose got that way from the cold, NOT from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's elves and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress.

Talking of which, I am considering sacking my workforce and hiring Snow White & the Seven Dwarves instead. I am currently doing time and motion studies on them and will keep you informed in due course. It might make a refreshing change to have a woman about the place!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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