LAS VEGAS, Nevada - Jennifer Aniston has revealed, in an exclusive interview, with ET's Mary Hart that she has decided to quit being a famous movie and television star and dedicate herself to being Brad and Angelina's full time babysitter.
Jennifer, looking erotically sexy in a see-thru black teddy from Victoria's Secret talked candidly with Mary while on the set of her latest motion picture, 'The Cloris Leachman Story.'
"Mary, In February, I will turn 40, and I have decided to re-evaluate my priorities.
"In the past I have dealth with personal problems such as split ends, chipped fingernails, a deviated septum, the question of paper or plastic, and a hardcore addiction to Chicken McNuggets.
"I have dated guys left and right, right and wrong, wrong and whatever and I am tired. I have spent my adult life with guys like Tate Donovan, Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor, and John Mayer. And now, I want to spend my time with kids.
"And after considering literally hundreds of kids, I have decided that I want to be with Brad and Angelina's kids, Maddux, Zahara, Shiloh, Pax, Knox, and Vivienne.
"Now, there are those who will say, 'yeah right, Jen just wants to be with those half dozen kids so that she can be near Brad...well nothing could be farther from the truth.
"Heck, I can be near Brad anytime I want to. Brad has three cell phones and the numbers are (BRAD'S THREE CELL PHONE NUMBERS HAVE BEEN DELETED TO PREVENT BRAD FROM RECEIVING MILLIONS OF CALLS FROM HIS ADORING FANS AS WELL AS GWYNETH PALTROW.)
"So, if things go as planned, I will be moving in with Brad, Angelina, and their six lovely children into the Brangelian Castle sometime in early February.
"And Mary, I want to go on record as saying that the $9,000 a week that Brad and Angelina will be paying me for babysitting will all be donated to The Angelina Jolie Research and Study Foundation For The Advancement of Adult Female Botoxological Experiments."
In other news, the government of Switizerland is planning on moving it's entire Swiss Cocoa operation to Funafuti, Tuvalu in the South Pacific because the average Tuvaluvian worker makes 7 cents an hour.