BEVERLY HILLS, California - Paris Hilton, the left coast personality who is famous for being infamous has just finished taping an exclusive one-on-one interview with Katie Couric.
The interview will be telecast on Christmas Eve. In the exclusive interview Paris reveals that she desperately wants to fill Hillary Clinton's New York senate seat.
When Katie asked her why, Paris replied, "Because it is a hot seat and the whole country knows that I am hot. And besides, I already have an apartment in Manhattan.
Plus, I can speak Puerto Rican, Yiddish, and Irish. And I am also good at quickly recognizing foreign accents, especially those from other countries. So it is all just soooo perfect."
Katie asked, "But what are your qualifications to be a New York senator?" And Paris angrily replied, "I told you...I can speak Puerto Rican, did you not hear me?"
Katie shot back, "Look here young lady, don't you get huffy with me. I can see right through you. After all you are a blonde."
And Paris replied, "Well so are you," to which Katie countered, "Yes, but my hair color did NOT come out of a bottle that I bought at the drugstore."
"Well for your information, little Miss Katie, I did not buy my hair coloring from a drugstore, I bought it at the famous La La-La-La Boutique in Paris, France."
Katie laughed and shook her head. "Well la de dah. Okay, Paris, and I guess you got your first name because you were conceived in Paris, France?"
"No Miss smarty pants, I have never ever been married."
"Okay, Paris, can you tell me what a majority vote is?" "Yes, I can, it's a yacht that can hold over 20 people so there."
"No Paris, I said vote, not boat."
"No you didn't Kitty, you said vote with a v."
"No I didn't and my name is not Kitty, you anorexic-looking diet wafer."
"Who are you calling an anorexic-looking diet wafer you supersized wrinkled old onion."
Katie smiled and said, "Really? Well you know what, the word on the street is that Paris Hilton can rearrange furniture just by having an orgasm.
And one of your best friends, Nicole Richie told me in strictest confidence that your IUD has call waiting?"
Paris turned three shades of red and remarked, "well sweet little Nicki is a stupid midget and speaking of stupid midgets, you're a stupid midget too.
You're just mad because Todd Palin said on the Larry King Show that you're the only woman in American whose ovaries have cellulite.
And another thing 'Little Miss Goody-Goody Two Shoes Couric' earlier when you stepped into the bathroom to go #1 your cameraman leaned over towards me and whispered that your G-spot weighs four pounds."
"Well that's a damn lie Miss Hilton!" Katie angrily retorted, "because Rodrigo has never seen me naked...well except for that one August weekend down in Cozumel (Mexico), but it was already night time, we were both drunk, and I was standing out on the veranda facing AWAY from him."
"But getting back to you Miss Paris, I heard that back in high school the guys called you the 'Grand Canyon' because of the unbelievably enormous size of your...
"Now that's not true...they didn't call me the 'Grand Canyon' they called me the 'San Andreas Fault.'
But unlike you Miss Couric at least guys noticed my delicious 'Goodies.' And another thing that your cameraman told me was that your nipples are inverted so bad that they can hold change."
Oh...and I almost forgot Rodrigo also said and I am quoting, 'Paris just between you and me, I am afraid that if Miss Katie has ONE more facelift she is going to end up with a goatee.'"
Katie fumed and yelled out "Okay, that's it you blonde bitch, get the hell out of my office right now before I call John McCain."
"Hey, look around blondie," Paris stated sternly, "YOU are in my daddy's office. And YOU need to get YOUR little lopsided ass out of here pronto tonto!
But before you leave you undersized munchkin, I want you to put back the seven bars of Hilton Hotel soap that you stashed in your cheap-ass purse you short soap and scene stealing slut."
Katie stood up to leave and yelled "Paris Hilton, YOU'RE just nothing but a tall skinny blonde bitch!"
Paris picked up a bar of soap and threw it at her and yelled "And Katie Couric, YOU'RE just nothing but a short fat blonde bitch!"
Okay, moving on...in happier news, Paramount Studios has reported that Sean Penn, John McEnroe, and Danny Bonaduce will soon start filming the comedy, "The Three Stooges Completely Destroy The Taliban, Al-Qaida, and Oslo, Norway In Just One Week-End."