Written by Mahavishnu BBZ
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Saturday, 29 November 2008

image for Regular Man! Will my Superhero status affect my Income Support?

Regular Man - A new, middle of the road kind of hero

Faster than a thing thats a bit slower than him!

Stronger than a cup of tea made by a blind grandmother!

Intelligent as a medium difficulty Sudoku puzzle-solver!

To the untrained, semi-skilled and last year at University eye, he is plain, simple Reg Mann, but his alter ego secretly goes around righting wrongs, holding tram doors open for unsuspecting latecomers, not kicking yappie dogs, and generally blending in like a spoon of Marvel in a cup of Nescafe. He is Reg-u-lar Man.

Born on a run-of-the-milltown housing estate in Barnsley, Yorkshire, Reg noticed from an early age how similar he was to other boys his age. He liked to play football, climb trees, scuff his new school shoes despite his parents veiled threats of minor violence, and on 2 occasions slept in a tent with the kids from next door and let little Katie see his tiny knob.

Then, on one of seven days in sunny June, whilst listening on the radio to a white Stevie Wonder impersonator, something changed. Regs dad, Mr Mann, after struggling for 20 years, mostly on the dole in a dying mining community took his own life. Possibly. He was found dead in his ice cream van, covered in chocolate sprinkles, 100s & 1000s and cherry syrup. Reg suspected foul play, but the coroner decided that Mr Mann had topped himself.

From that day forward, Reg became a changed man, he decided there were too many people downtrodden, defeated, hopeless, what this country needed was a hero! A hero who didnt eat ice-cream, because of painful memories and even more painful tooth & brain ache.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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