LONDON - A refreshing story comes our way today from London where Wyden Spacey has achieved a bit of fame in these parts for eating aspartame right out of the box.
TheSpoof obtained this exclusive interview with Wyden.
"Wyden, so, you drink diet sodas then?"
"No, I don't eat food sweetened with aspartame, I eat it right out of the box. I have about 1/2 a box for breakfast and one box for lunch, and two for dinner. I like to wash it down with a spot of tea, but don't like to mix it. I'm a purest. In fact, I've sent away on Ebray to get some pure aspartame, since they won't sell it to me from the factory. They think I'm nuts. I've heard at the factory they all wear space suits because they are afraid to breathe in the aspartame. I do it all the time. It smells great."
"What made you decide to do this?"
"Well I started by sprinkling it on food. It tasted great. Then I realized.. why buy food? What I really like is the aspartame. So I tried it, and haven't look back since."
"So Wyden, has your life changed for the bettor since you started doing this?"
"Well I started by sprinkling it on food. It tasted great. Then I realized..Then I realized.. Then I realized.. who cares.. you got any aspartame? I got money.
jek aj jfkak jdkf ... (drool) .. jfelj pssssssssmmmCLUNK"
"Wyden.. snap out of it! Wyden! .......MEDIC!!!!"