President-elect Obama, incensed over Al Qaeda's second-in- command, Ayman al-Zawahri calling him a "house negro", took matters into his own hands, old school style. Calling an unexpected press conference, Obama seized the mike in one hand and began walking rapidly back and forth as he verbally annihilated al-Zawahri.
"House Negro? Egyptian, please!" Obama ranted rhetorically. "That beats Cave Clown, sucker," he began slowly, working into his routine. "So, Ayaman, how many Al-Qaeda does it take to change a light-bulb? NONE...they ain't got any damn electricity anyway," growled Obama, pumping his fist in the air to the delight of the audience.
"Have you ever noticed al-Zawahri's wimpy headscarf? Sure, it looks ordinary, but it's really made from old camel foreskins. It's a headscarf now, but if you chicken out in the middle of a plane high-jacking, just rub it and it becomes a parachute."
"What do you call an Al-Qaeda barbecue? Drone target practice," Obama drew gales of laughter from the audience, finally getting into it. "Do you know why Al-Zawahri doesn't get any respect? When he was born, the doctor took one look at him and shot his mother. He was so ugly, his daddy used to tie a tin-can around his neck so the goat would play with him." Outbreaks of hysterical laughter punctuated with "Ooooo" clearly got Obama wound up.
"Al-Zawahri, Yassir Arafat and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad were standing at a bus-stop. Al-Zawahri turns to the other two and asks, 'What are you guys going to do today?' Yassir Arafat said, 'Wipe Israel from the map'. Mahmoud said,'Destroy the Infidels of Israel. So what are going to do, Ayman?' Al-Zawahri said, 'Oh, same as you. Some rhethoric, a little flag-burning and then a light lunch.'"
"How do you drive a suicide bomber crazy? Tell him to blow himself up in the corner of a round room. Oh yeah, but it's nothing like him trying to fit 72 virgins into an economy-sized coffin!"
"Hey, here's a joke for the future, al-Cracka. How many Al-Qaeda will it take to change a light-bulb a year from now? None...the whole country glows in the dark anyway." Tossing the mike to the floor, Obama challenged al-Zawahri to come up on camera to best him, while relishing the cheering crowd. "Come on down, Dune Dawg," he taunted, aiming his finger at the camera like a gun and adding, "Pop, pop, pop!" for emphasis.
Ironically, a despondent al-Zawahri was captured late this afternoon, walking along a goat-trail in eastern in Afghanistan after being laughed out of his cave. In a related story, Osama Bin Laden has just released a tape calling Obama, "funny, but no Richard Pryor."