In their first interviews since the election the neighbors of President Elect Barak Obama have said how delighted they are with the result.
Mrs. Ralph Steinman, who lives opposite, says, "Damn straight I'm delighted, they can't leave soon enough as far as I'm concerned, miserable, stuck up bastards. Good riddance I say".
Next door the Smithfields, Gloria and Doug had this to say, "Saturday nights were the worst," said Doug, "He would come home drunk, about 11'ish and then start demanding rough sex." Gloria interrupted, "But she wasn't up for it, at least she would pretend so. They would get louder and louder as they argued. She would taunt him with things like, "You call that a c*%k", and "What are you going to do with that? The UPS guy has a bigger d*&k and he's white".
Doug went on, "And then he would say, let's see what brown can do for you. You know, like the commercial? They seemed to have a thing for UPS, I don't know perhaps they had uniforms or something".
A little further down the leafy street Sally Tompkins complained about the smell that regularly overtook the Lilac and Honeysuckle bordering the local gardens, "Sometimes it smelled like an abattoir, that entrails, offal and excrement smell one notices on the boulevards of third world cities, Lord knows what they were doing in there, animal sacrifice my husband says. Someone said Gary Glitter is moving in once they're gone, that'll be better".
Wickham Chase, Staff Reporter