Dear Mahavishnu 'BBZ' Burybobz
Was JFK assassinated by the American government or was Lee Harvey Oswald guilty! Although the evidence is almost indisputable I would like to put my mind at rest once for all knowing that you have set my mind on the correct path!
Your devout follower
Dave 'Bugzy' Fribbins
JFK, the first American president to be named after an airport, was actually the orchestrator of one of the most complex suicides of all time.
By the brilliant ploy of using a boy named Oswald, a name people would come to use as a toilet cleaner, even though some folks still insisted on calling him Patsy, due to his startling rendition of 'Crazy' as Jack Ruby filed him full o' lead, well, Kennedy could (a) Not have to compromise his principles regarding the Vietnam War, (b) Get shut of Jackie 'Onassis' coz she wouldn't share his surname, because Jackie Kennedy sounds like a $15-a-go brass lamp you might back-scuttle on the Brooklyn Bridge (c) This enabled him to spend the afterlife sucking on Marilyn 'I was here first Manson' Monroe's ample charms for all eternity (in a share scheme he had signed with Elvis, in a ghetto).
The master-stroke was actually brainwashing hundreds of eyewitnesses whos' video cameras were confiscated and wanted to testify that they had seen shots fired from the infamous cowboy Grassy Noel, thus causing so much confusion, that in the aftermath the American CIA-run govt. immediately went to war in Vietnam (straight after they maxed out their share options in US ordnance and weapons corps) and everybody went away happy. Apart from Marlon Brando, who went mad in Cambodia, so got Charlie Sheens dad to 'do a JFK' on him.
Hope this helps.
*** WARNING *** This reply may contain traces of conspiracy nuts, so tough shit.