MEXICO CITY, Mexico - Dr. Jose Kanucee Itvantverk gave this exclusive inteview to TheSpoof after calling our special 900 number.
"Yes, it's true. We heard about all these cars that ran on water, but when we researched it, none of it panned out.
"So, we decided to use some basic science to make it work. See this car here? It's a 1987 with a V8 engine. It wants gas, or some kind of hydrocarbon fuel. How can we get that from water?
"It's really quite simple. We just add this white powder to the water. Once it hits the gas tank, it mixes with the water. Then the sun heats up the car and the tank. We have a lot of sun here. Once the water and the powder mix, the heat of the sun causes the fuel fraction to evaporate and mix in the carborator to fuel the car. After a while we just hose out the tank and do it again."
At this point I was lost. "But wait, what is the white powder?"
"Well, we tried many white powders. We tried powdered sugar and yeast. But, we had to wait a long time for the fermentation to make the alcohol fuel. It worked, but it took a long time. We tried cocain, but it kept getting missing.
"So our final version of the car uses aspartame powder. I know, it's controversial, but listen up.
"When mixed with water it produces 10 percent free methanol. This makes a great fuel for the car. Like a funny car. It pops wheelies. It works bettor than gas.
"We do advise you to wear a full respirator when handling the powder. Also if you get some on you you had bettor wash it off fast. But the car runs fine.
"Oh, you should wear the funny car driving suit too. The fuel is quite toxic."
I want one of these cars! I can buy plain donuts now and coat them with aspartame each morning on the way to work as I tank up! And we already have the aspartame infrastructure. I knew mankind could solve the energy crisis! Drill baby drill.. for aspartame that is!