Recently president candidates Barrack Obama and John McCain sat down for an exlusive interview with The Spoof to discuss the battle for the White House. The one-on-one interviews are presented here in a special Q&A format.
Democratic presidential candidate Barrack Obama.
Perry: Hello Senator Obama. Thanks for sitting down for a few minutes to do this interview.
Obama: Thank you. I'm more than happy to be here.
Perry: Let's get right down to business. Sen. McCain recently said at a town hall-style meeting that you "hated America." Don't you just want to punch him in the mouth?
Obama: Well…I don't believe violence is the way to solve disputes such as this, but it is disappointing that he would say that.
Perry: Oh come on, don't you want to cold-cock that old prick?
Obama: No, I really don't condone violence. Senator McCain is a great patriot who has done a lot for his country; we just disagree on a few key issues.
Perry: Well okay fair enough, but what about the ad he did over the summer saying you were basically a celebrity figure like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. Didn't that piss you off?
Obama: I was disappointed that he would say that. That is the reason why my campaign responded with an ad saying he was a Washington celebrity, because he actually announced his run for the presidency on the Late Show with David Letterman.
Perry: But didn't it piss you off?
Obama: I don't wish to comment on that last question.
Perry: I don't think the American people would be upset if you admitted that McCain pisses you off. It's just a sign of human honesty.
Obama: (long pause) Do you have any other questions?
Perry: Yes. What do you think about the McCain camp saying you don't have enough experience to be president? Surely that would make you want to burn down one of his five, or is it six, houses?
Obama: No. Absolutely not. I would never commit a despicable act such as that, and I don't really appreciate being asked these kinds of questions.
Perry: I'm just trying to tap into your human side Mr. Obama.
Obama: Well I always show my human side, I don't need to do it through threats of violence. I prefer to have my policies and ideals show my thoughts and feelings.
Perry: Senator McCain recently said he wanted to punch you in the face. Do you reciprocate the same feelings for him?
Obama: I don't believe the Senator ever made a statement like that. Even if he did, the answer would be 'No,' I don't reciprocate those kinds of violent feelings.
Perry: Well thank you for taking the time to do this interview Barrack. It's been a pleasure.
Obama: Thank you.
Republican presidential candidate John McCain
Perry: Hello Senator McCain. Thanks for sitting down for a few minutes to do this interview.
McCain: It's my pleasure.
Perry: First, let's start by talking a little bit about the campaign. You've been behind in the polls, in most cases by at least five percent, sometimes as high as 10 percent. Do you feel you are wasting your time out here?
McCain: (laughs) Absolutely not. What are you, crazy or something? It's been a very successful campaign and although we are a few points behind in the polls, you can't always go by polls, especially when the margin of error can often be very high.
Perry: That may be true. What do you have to say about people who say you're too damn old to run for president?
McCain: (laughs) Well that is a legitimate concern a lot of folks have, but I can assure you that I am in great health despite my age. I feel my experience will help me as president.
Perry: Don't you just want to punch all the people that think you're too old?
McCain: (long pause)Um… I'd really rather not answer that question. I mean, it's one thing to get upset, but you can't just punch people.
Perry: Well actually I've heard you have a very bad temper. What do you do, throw chairs against the wall and choke people? What gives?
McCain: I don't have a bad temper at all. There are all kinds of false reports in the media, and I've never thrown chairs or choked anybody.
Perry: Even many republicans have said they have no intention of supporting you. How does it feel to be hated even by your own party?
McCain: (pause) I'm not hated by my own party. I've received a lot of support from the Republican Party. In fact, they have chosen me as the man to run for president for their party.
Perry: They chose you to be president for the Republican Party? I thought you were running for president of the United States?
McCain: (long pause) Well…I am. I'm running for president of the United States through the Republican Party.
Perry: Okay good. I just wanted to clear that up. Don't you just hate the way Obama is projected to win the election? Doesn't that make you want to kick his ass?
Perry: Why not?
McCain: I don't want to fight Sen. Obama. The only fighting that will go in is verbally in the debates.
Perry: You recently said that Obama hated America. Does that make you want to hate him?
McCain: I never said Barrack hated America. He's a patriot who cares greatly about his country; we just disagree on a number of ideological points. Don't put words in my mouth.
Perry: Okay. Thank you for your time John.
McCain: Thank you.