Written by Alan Goodfellow
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Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Following an exclusive telephone call to the offices of Spoof newspaper, Jonathon Ross has today issued the following statement in response to the Public outcry over his recent radio show with Russel Brand.

"I would like to offer my sincerwist wegwets for any offence caused by Wussell Bwand and myself towards Mr Andwoo Sachs". He went on, "I have been a fan of Andwoo for many years, and have followed his qweer fwom the vewy early days and gwavely wegwet comments left on his answerphone during our wadio bwoadcast

"Wussell himself mentioned to me that Andwoo is one of his gweatest comedy herewos who wanks even above Wonnie Barker, Wonnie Corbett, Wichard Pwior, Dick Emewy and even Jeffewy fwom Wainbow. He also told me that he didn't wearly shag his gwand daughter, he mearly dwooled over her bweasts

"I would like to say a gweat big thanks to my wife who has given me wock solid support during this horwific caweer cwisis, but has told me she thinks I'm a wowdy wogue of the wadio waves and should tone down my pwesentations as sometime they are wather wude, and I have to confess that I think she may be wight

"I would like to say sowwy for this incident, and pwomise you will never hear such cwap coming out of the mouth of Jonathan Woss or Wussell Bwand ever again"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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