6/20/2004, New York (AP):
In an unprecedented move, even for Steinbrenner, the New York Yankees will now be purchasing the entire Boston Red Sox team for $950 million. Said Steinbrenner, "They've got a ton of amazing players that my team definitely could use. Plus, with the amount of money we've been spending to stay out in front of these guys, it was more cost effective just to buy the whole team outright. I'll save more money over the next decade or so."
Boston fan favorite, the recently returned from the disabled list, Nomar Garciaparra, had this to say, "I hate Steinbrenner, but with the way Jeter's been playing, I guess he didn't have much of a choice. But hey, since I'll be his replacement, maybe I'll be the one in all of those fancy credit card commercials....plus, it can't hurting being the guaranteed all star shortstop this season. Jeter's votes were killing me!"
According to Mr. Steinbrenner, the Boston Red Sox stadium and the rest of the team that didn't make the Yankees cut, such as Pokey Reese, will now become another AAA team for the New York Yankees.
Steinbrenner: "We don't really have much of a farm system since I buy everyone on the team anyway, so this should improve things a bit. Plus, Boston was always second rate to us anyway, so it's fitting that they become our minor league organization.
Meanwhile, the National League is currently in talks to end their season outrights, as a world series would now be "pointless" stated Cubs manager Dusty Baker.
In closing, Steinbrenner had this to say: "Not even Captain Planet can stop me now! Why not? Because I bought all the episodes!"