Not having the sense the Good Lord gave a head of lettuce, I recently signed up for a Facebook account. It was pretty cool at first, catching up with old friends and being rejected by the same old people. What's not to like about it? Plus I tried MySpace a few years ago and I just never got into it. All I ever got was solicitations for porn. And it wasn't even funny porn. I'm sorry, I know that's weird, but I like things to be funny. If I don't laugh during sex, it wasn't any good. Sorry, hon (my wife is a little sensitive).
Facebook isn't quite as cool as MySpace, but it was pretty straightforward and fairly easy to use. But then recently I was updating my profile information and I see this checkbox, which for some strange reason I had checked that said, "Show my sex in my profile." Now, I don't know about you, but I'm a fairly modest guy and I believe that some things should be left private. So now I have to find where the camera is hidden.
There are other things that have me bugged about Facebook lately as well. Like its tendency to add friends to your profile that you didn't request. Recently I was reunited through Facebook with an old friend who I will call, for the sake of privacy and the ability to make up things that aren't really true at all, Bernie McHucklberry.
Bernie was an old drinking buddy of mine. In High School we used to have contests to see who could drink the most water without making a trip to the bathroom. Not necessarily without going potty... just without making a trip to the bathroom. And I use the word "potty" because I realize there may be young children reading this post, and I don't want them to pick up the bad habit of saying the word "pee".
It was nice to catch up with Bernie, and fairly interesting to learn that he now suffers from incontinence. Apparently our contests did some lasting damage. That's what happens when you drink too much, so young people who should never say "pee": Let that be a lesson to you. I was also very surprised to learn that Bernie did, in fact, have a few other friends. One of them was a guy by the name of Art Pimpleton who Bernie did some time in college with. And I say "college" because I don't want people to know that I hung out with a kid who ended up becoming a criminal. Even if it was just for public urination.
Art Pimpleton was from the same small town where Bernie and I attended High School (and I use the word "school" loosely here) and so when I got an email telling me that Art had requested me as a friend and I saw that he was a friend of Bernie's I figured I must have known him in High School as well. Hey, I can't be expected to remember everyone I knew from High School. I was usually pretty whimsical back in those days. And I say "whimsical" for the sake of the young readers who should not say "pee" because I don't want them to read the word "stoned" in one of my posts. They can find it elsewhere on the internet.
After a while of having Art Pimpleton on my friends list, I got a little tired of his assinine political views making their way onto my Facebook page. That part is true, even though it wasn't a guy named Art Pimpleton and that's all I'll say about that. But I continue the story...
I sent Art a message asking him if we knew each other from Science class. I figured that was the easiest place for me to forget someone. To my surprise, Art claimed that I was the one who requested to be HIS friend. We didn't know each other AT ALL (THIS PART IS TRUE, TRUE, TRUE... even though it wasn't a guy named Art Pimpleton). My wife experienced the same glitch in Facebook when she was recently, unwittingly reunited with her old nemesis who I'll call... nevermind, I won't call her anything. The point is that Facebook is deciding who my friends should be, and I'm not too happy about it. THAT part is TRUE. I did make up most of the rest of it (sort of... I really was whimsical in High School). But it was loosely based on truth and Facebook really does have that glitch.
Has anyone else noticed it? Seriously.