No matter how old you get there is always someone older telling you how young you are. And those older people will always marvel when you say that you feel that you're getting "so old". I've been noticing that since I was about ten.
But now I have at least some semblance of legitimacy to my claim. Perhaps not on the surface, but if you'll listen to my reasoning then you will undoubtedly understand. That is, if you're not senile.
I just turned 46. Now first of all, I've been told that 46 is not a significant birthday. All of the birthdays that end with zero are supposed to be the significant ones... 40, 50, 60, etc. But here's what is significant about 46. 46 marks the beginning of the transition from mid-forties to late-forties. And late-forties means pushing 50. And we all know what happens in your fifties: Senior discounts. A cruel reminder to those of us who would prefer to remain in denial.
Of course not all restaurants nowadays offer senior discounts to 55 year-olds. In some of them you have to be 60. Now this is what has me really worried. With my luck and this economy, by the time I'm old enough for senior discounts they will have pushed the age back even further. Which means that not only am I getting old, I don't even get rewarded for it.
Me at 60: I'm 60. Do I get the senior discount?
Restaurant hostess: No, you have to be 65 to get the senior discount.
Me at 60: But they passed that new law... they're terminating everyone over the age of 64!
Restaurant hostess: Uhmmm... you'll have to talk to the manager.
Restaurant manager who is only 22 and therefore unsympathetic: Is there a problem here?
Restaurant hostess: This old man wants a senior discount.
Unsympathetic manager: Well, you know the rules. If he's not old enough for the senior discount he doesn't get it. If he is old enough... call the police and have him terminated.
(Restaurant hostess dials 911)
Me at 60: But I'm only 60!
Recently I saw a bumper sticker that says "Old guys suck" and I was actually offended by it. You know you're getting old when young wipper-snappers disrespecting their elders offends you. But I wish that bearer of that bumper-sticker a long life. Actually I hope he gets really old, really fast. That would serve him right.